I am thankful...sort of

So today is Thanksgiving, a day to give thanks for all you have and while I am thankful, I am still hopeful and a little depressed.

I am thankful for:
1. Having a husband who despite my many faults (and their are many) still manages to love me.
2. I am thankful for DH for going out this morning to get me a turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce so we could celebrate this weekend.
3. I am thankful for my family and friends and their attempt to understand what I am going through.
5. This blog, a place I can actually vent my true feelings.
6. Your blogs that give me hope.
7. The nice meal my mother-in-law made yesterday and all of the things she sent us home with.
8. The birth of my best friend's twins, Wyatt and Grace and the birth of my friend Lori's son Keegan.
9. The priest who let me be Wyatt's godmother even though I wasn't there and for my mom for standing in for me.
10. For my mom for coming to be with me when I had the D&C and for my dad for wanting to come and being with me in spirit.
11. My wonderful Dr., Zoe, I don't know where I'd be without her!

I am hopeful for:
1. A healthy baby.
2. A healthy baby.
3. A healthy baby.
4. My family and friends to actually know and understand what I am going through.
5. A day where I don't feel so angry about this situation and I don't feel like a failure as a woman.
6. I hope to see Wyatt, Grace and Keegan soon. It kills me that I probably won't see them until they are a year old.
7. A Thanksgiving stateside with my family and friends. This is the fourth out of five years I have been abroad. It's getting old. I feel like I'm missing out. I miss the States but I keep telling myself that when you're all feeling landlocked and bored later on, I can be at the beach in a hour. This place says it has 330 days of sun a year, that's something to be thankful for isn't it?