I am thankful...sort of

So today is Thanksgiving, a day to give thanks for all you have and while I am thankful, I am still hopeful and a little depressed.

I am thankful for:
1. Having a husband who despite my many faults (and their are many) still manages to love me.
2. I am thankful for DH for going out this morning to get me a turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce so we could celebrate this weekend.
3. I am thankful for my family and friends and their attempt to understand what I am going through.
5. This blog, a place I can actually vent my true feelings.
6. Your blogs that give me hope.
7. The nice meal my mother-in-law made yesterday and all of the things she sent us home with.
8. The birth of my best friend's twins, Wyatt and Grace and the birth of my friend Lori's son Keegan.
9. The priest who let me be Wyatt's godmother even though I wasn't there and for my mom for standing in for me.
10. For my mom for coming to be with me when I had the D&C and for my dad for wanting to come and being with me in spirit.
11. My wonderful Dr., Zoe, I don't know where I'd be without her!

I am hopeful for:
1. A healthy baby.
2. A healthy baby.
3. A healthy baby.
4. My family and friends to actually know and understand what I am going through.
5. A day where I don't feel so angry about this situation and I don't feel like a failure as a woman.
6. I hope to see Wyatt, Grace and Keegan soon. It kills me that I probably won't see them until they are a year old.
7. A Thanksgiving stateside with my family and friends. This is the fourth out of five years I have been abroad. It's getting old. I feel like I'm missing out. I miss the States but I keep telling myself that when you're all feeling landlocked and bored later on, I can be at the beach in a hour. This place says it has 330 days of sun a year, that's something to be thankful for isn't it?

Introduction

So here I go, I’ve been looking at other people’s blogs for months and all in all, they have brought me hope. I have been married for 3 years, we started trying to have kids immediately and were lucky, or at least we thought we were to get pregnant in 4 short months. But, we found that we had a blighted ovum. We tried again for quite awhile with no success. I was traveling for work a lot and had trouble after my D&C (April 2007) then my husband had some visa issues and couldn’t come back to the states. I went back to my doctor in January 2008 and he ran preliminary fertility test and found nothing wrong. He said that before we went to the fertility clinic, DH would have to be tested, however he was in London and they wouldn’t test him without me there, so we were stuck. It took me quite awhile to finally move here and when I did, we started trying the old fashion way again. Six months later, nothing. I will go into more about the process later but the short of it is that we found out that I have a unicorn uterus and we immediately started the process of IUI, however because apparently despite my ½ uterus, I’m a good producer of eggs, we had to switch to IVF at the last minute because I cannot have multiples. That followed with a pregnancy the first time, lucky again…or not. I had a cervical etopic pregnancy and we had to terminate. As I said, I’ll go into the details later, I just wanted to get this blog started, I’m hoping that it will be therapeutic for me as I feel quite, well, I don’t know how to describe it, but I’m sure all of you who are going through infertility or miscarriages understand. I hope that someday (soon) someone will read through this and it will bring them hope as many of the blogs I read have done. Good luck to all who are going through infertility treatments and those of you who were successful, keep writing, you help the rest of us.