The last few days I swear Lamb Chop has grown up, not just grown. She can put her self to sleep with out crying. I no longer have to hold her until she is in a deep sleep then put her in her bed. This shaves so much time off my middle of the night feedings. She also watches her mobile intently, plays by herself and looks deeply into your eyes. She is adorable.
We also went to the doctor today for our 6 week check up. She is doing well. She's now 9lb 11 oz and 21.2 inches long. Both these measurements are a little below the normal on the chart but her BMI is way over average. It's so strange that this little girl who wasn't on the charts for anything when she was born is now not only pushing her way onto them but is going to the upper extremes on one.
Every day is getting better and better as well. I love to see her grow, change and ger more interactive. I can't wait to see what the next couple of weeks bring.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
What a difference a year makes
I am so thankful this year. I can't believe how far we have come since last Thanksgiving. Words cannot express all that I am thankful for. Even though we aren't in the States for Thanksgiving this year, we are having a mini, mock celebration with my husband, mom and Lamb Chop.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. I hope you have a great one.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. I hope you have a great one.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Lamb Chop
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The other side of the story
Over the last for years, 3 pregnancies, countless attempts to get pregnant and finally having a pregnancy that stuck, my husband and I have called our unborn child/children/attempted children Attachie. It started innocently enough when we first started trying to conceive and he would talk to my stomach and tell the egg and sperm to attach to my uterus. The name stuck to the point that I still call our daughter Attachie half the time or that's what I think of her in my head. My husband said that it still fits her now because we are attached to her now. Something we didn't really let happen throughout the pregnancy and in my case the 1st month of her life as I was still scared that something would happen. Stupid I know but I think that others in the IF world know what I am talking about. The bonding has finally happened, thankfully and I can't remember a time without her.
This post was suppose to talk about our new nickname for our daughter, Lamb Chop but has taken a different turn, one that I think should be addressed (we'll cover Lamb Chop another day). That turn in the emotion that is felt after giving birth. As an infertile I have dreamed about becoming a mom for years. However, given the stress involved in getting pregnant, the drugs pumped into your body for months, the sadness of losing other children and fear of losing this one take some of the joy out of the experience. The whole process also becomes a science experiment, not just the rainbows and flowers that it should be. As a result, the bonding that maybe should have happened during pregnancy didn't happened because of the fear of another loss. I was happy the day my daughter was born but a little overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. It's the feeling of "is this really happening" "did we really make it here" and "can I do this" that flooded over me. The first two weeks I was afraid to sleep because I was afraid something would happen to Lamb Chop. I fell nicely into the role of nurturer and my body seemed to know exactly what to do to show her love and how to care for her but on the inside I still felt detached. I had a few breakdowns late at night. Last week when I was left alone with Lamb Chop for a few hours I started crying hysterically as soon as I was alone. I called my best friend who also struggled to get pregnant and has twins that are a year old. She told me that she had the same feelings after she gave birth and made the same phone call to someone who had kids during the first month. The person she called also had gone through the same thing. My friend as well as another friend of mine who gave birth in August both went on meds to help with their depression. While I haven't/didn't get to that point it made me feel like I wasn't so alone
That is really the point of this entry. It's not to complain but rather to assure people who may be going through the same thing to know they are not alone. The feelings of fear, despair and depression are normal. Think of the drugs you have been putting in your body over the last 10 months combined with the pregnancy hormones. We are bound to go a little nuts.
I am sorry if those who are still ttc are offended by this entry. Had I read it a year ago after my ectopic pregnancy and D&C I probably would have been too. But hopefully when you do finally get to the end of the road you and if you are feeling depressed, unattached or overwhelmed, you will think back to this and know you aren't alone but rather you are normal.
This post was suppose to talk about our new nickname for our daughter, Lamb Chop but has taken a different turn, one that I think should be addressed (we'll cover Lamb Chop another day). That turn in the emotion that is felt after giving birth. As an infertile I have dreamed about becoming a mom for years. However, given the stress involved in getting pregnant, the drugs pumped into your body for months, the sadness of losing other children and fear of losing this one take some of the joy out of the experience. The whole process also becomes a science experiment, not just the rainbows and flowers that it should be. As a result, the bonding that maybe should have happened during pregnancy didn't happened because of the fear of another loss. I was happy the day my daughter was born but a little overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. It's the feeling of "is this really happening" "did we really make it here" and "can I do this" that flooded over me. The first two weeks I was afraid to sleep because I was afraid something would happen to Lamb Chop. I fell nicely into the role of nurturer and my body seemed to know exactly what to do to show her love and how to care for her but on the inside I still felt detached. I had a few breakdowns late at night. Last week when I was left alone with Lamb Chop for a few hours I started crying hysterically as soon as I was alone. I called my best friend who also struggled to get pregnant and has twins that are a year old. She told me that she had the same feelings after she gave birth and made the same phone call to someone who had kids during the first month. The person she called also had gone through the same thing. My friend as well as another friend of mine who gave birth in August both went on meds to help with their depression. While I haven't/didn't get to that point it made me feel like I wasn't so alone
That is really the point of this entry. It's not to complain but rather to assure people who may be going through the same thing to know they are not alone. The feelings of fear, despair and depression are normal. Think of the drugs you have been putting in your body over the last 10 months combined with the pregnancy hormones. We are bound to go a little nuts.
I am sorry if those who are still ttc are offended by this entry. Had I read it a year ago after my ectopic pregnancy and D&C I probably would have been too. But hopefully when you do finally get to the end of the road you and if you are feeling depressed, unattached or overwhelmed, you will think back to this and know you aren't alone but rather you are normal.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Growing like a weed
Today is our daughter's 1 month birthday. While she started out small, she is now on the growth charts and gained 2 pounds and 1 inch in 2 weeks. While this might sound excessive, our dr. assures us she is fine. Her BMI is still ok and even on the low side. She is now 7 lbs 14 oz and 20.25 inches. Her 1 month check up today went great.
So many things to catch up on here but I can't seem to find the time. I don't know how people blog everyday with a baby. I'm exhausted and my mom is here to help me. Now I am sitting here typing with Lambchop (I'll explain the name in the next post) curled up on the Bobby, graddling my boob and occasionally smiling. What a precious angel. I'm going to go enjoy these smiles some more. Hope those of you who are still waiting for precious moments like this get there soon. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
So many things to catch up on here but I can't seem to find the time. I don't know how people blog everyday with a baby. I'm exhausted and my mom is here to help me. Now I am sitting here typing with Lambchop (I'll explain the name in the next post) curled up on the Bobby, graddling my boob and occasionally smiling. What a precious angel. I'm going to go enjoy these smiles some more. Hope those of you who are still waiting for precious moments like this get there soon. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
2 week birthday
Today is our little one's two week birthday. These two weeks have flown by but gone so slowly as well. It is hard to remember by big belly now. When I look down now I just see a little jiggly mess. I have lost about 15 pounds by now. The problem is I have no idea how much weight I actually put on. It was about 30 pounds from the time we first started fertility treatments until I gave birth but there were surgeries, pregnancies, etopic pregnancies and lots of fertility meds in those 14 months. I stopped getting on the scale. That's the small stuff though. It really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.
All in all, things have been going well. We passed our hearing test, went out to dinner twice, went to the airport to pick up my dad (he's here for a week) and changed lots of diapers. Please tell me how something so small, that is breast fed can have so much poop and how it can be chunky.
Breastfeeding is going well. We occasionally take a few minutes to latch on but once were there were ready to go. I am very lucky. She doesn't cry much, only when she is hungry or needs to be changed or cold after taking a bath. Speaking of diapers and changing, she has a bad habit of peeing while you are changing her. I can't tell you how many outfits, diapers we have gone through. If you save the diaper, you get pee on the outfit and vice versa. If that's the worst of it then we are in good shape.
My dad came the other day for a week. It is so good to have him here. It's also nice for my mom to see him since she is here for 3 months and has been missing him.
I know that they say a baby can't smile but I swear she smiles at us all the time. It's the best thing ever, well besides watching my husband dote on her. That's priceless.
All in all, things have been going well. We passed our hearing test, went out to dinner twice, went to the airport to pick up my dad (he's here for a week) and changed lots of diapers. Please tell me how something so small, that is breast fed can have so much poop and how it can be chunky.
Breastfeeding is going well. We occasionally take a few minutes to latch on but once were there were ready to go. I am very lucky. She doesn't cry much, only when she is hungry or needs to be changed or cold after taking a bath. Speaking of diapers and changing, she has a bad habit of peeing while you are changing her. I can't tell you how many outfits, diapers we have gone through. If you save the diaper, you get pee on the outfit and vice versa. If that's the worst of it then we are in good shape.
My dad came the other day for a week. It is so good to have him here. It's also nice for my mom to see him since she is here for 3 months and has been missing him.
I know that they say a baby can't smile but I swear she smiles at us all the time. It's the best thing ever, well besides watching my husband dote on her. That's priceless.
Friday, October 22, 2010
It's a...
It's a girl!!! I am so happy, her daddy wanted a girl so bad and seeing the two of them together is the best site in the world. The love and pride on his face brings tears to my eyes every time.
She was born Saturday, October 16, 2010 at 9am and weighs 5 lbs 2.8 ounces and is 17.9 inches long. She is so tiny, her little butt looks like two adult thumbs put together and her toes like little toothpicks. She is doing well, no problems at all. We both went home from the hospital after 3 days and are trying to get into a routine.
Her dad and I are over the moon. I will share more about the labor and delivery etc later. It's feeding time again. Thanks for all the well wishes.
She was born Saturday, October 16, 2010 at 9am and weighs 5 lbs 2.8 ounces and is 17.9 inches long. She is so tiny, her little butt looks like two adult thumbs put together and her toes like little toothpicks. She is doing well, no problems at all. We both went home from the hospital after 3 days and are trying to get into a routine.
Her dad and I are over the moon. I will share more about the labor and delivery etc later. It's feeding time again. Thanks for all the well wishes.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Saturday is the day
We got word that Saturday is the day. At 8am our time which is 1am Saturday for all the East Coasters. So many quick updates for today.
- We had our final CGT test today and everything looked fine.
- We also did some blood work, not really sure why but oh well, what's one more needle stick.
- I also found out that 2 of my favorite nurses are working tomorrow which is great.
- The anaesthesiologist also assured me that it is ok to do an epidural with the rod in my back.
- The nursury is full today so I am very happy we didn't have the baby today. It was too crazy in there. There are babies coming out of the woodwork. Hopefully tomorrow will be calmer. Plus, it gave me an extra day to prepare mentally.
- The pediatrician is set to come tomorrow for the delivery.
- Last but not least, we've taken care of the cord blood registration.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
C Section here we come...
Went to the doctor on Monday and again today. On Monday, the best guess was that the baby weighed 2300 grams. Today it was only 2200 or below the 5th percentile for it's age. The doctor on Monday said she wanted to do a C Section on Friday or Monday. I wanted to wait until Monday, in the hopes that I could actually go into labor naturally since she won't induce. We did a cervical check on Monday and apparently my cervix was high, closed and thick. Today, we didn't even do a cervix check because she could clearly see the baby's entire face which she said meant it wasn't in the down position. Now she wants to do the C Section tomorrow or Saturday depending on her schedule. I'm waiting for her call. I'm praying for Saturday. I need another day to wrap my head around this. I know I've been waiting forever but it seems like everything is happening so fast. I'll keep you posted.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
36 week update
Throughout this pregnancy, I have set milestones for myself, dates to get past when the baby would be viable, healthy etc. I remember hoping that we’d get past our anniversary on August 19th, then my best friend’s kids birthdays on September 6th, my mom arriving a few days later. I thought it would be cool to have the baby on 10-10-10 but never thought that would be possible. That would mean we made it to 36 weeks 5 days. No possible way. My doctor was hoping to get us to 32 weeks. Well, here we are, that beautiful date has arrived and the bun is still in the oven and is not coming out today. I know that should be a good thing but for the last 6 weeks my doctor keeps telling me that if we can make it 1 or 2 more weeks, they will go ahead and take the baby. She said I would not under any circumstances go past 36 weeks, then it was 37 weeks, last visit it was 38 weeks. For being so cramped in there with half a uterus, this little one doesn’t want to join the world. We did the steroid shots a month ago to get the lungs ready, now are just waiting for it to put on weight. It’s only in the 5 percentile for weight, sometimes 10 is the doctor stretches the measurements. Maybe it knows that its mother is a little freaked out by this whole thing. I mean you try so long to get pregnant, put your body through so much to get to this point but for some reason I can’t wrap my mind around being a mom. Stupid I know. The first time I got pregnant, I felt such a connection to the child, a child that wasn’t even there but for that month that I thought there was a baby inside me, not just an empty sac, I felt so connected. When I had to have a D&C I was devastated and it took me so long to get over it. The second time I was pregnant, I didn’t let myself get attached, I was too scared. The same goes for this pregnancy. I’ve kept my distance emotionally out of fear that something will go wrong. I hate that. I feel bad about it, like I have been or am robbing myself from this beautiful experience but I am just scared. I know that for having a unicorn uterus, I have done exceptionally well and am lucky but until I see a healthy baby I will unfortunately remain sceptical. Am I crazy, maybe or maybe people who suffer miscarriages and fertility problems all fact these fears.
Another doctor’s appointment tomorrow. Hope it goes well.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The Countdown Begins
34 Weeks today. We went to the doctor yesterday and somehow I had lost 2.5 pounds but the baby gained 5 ounces. It is still super small though, less than 4 pounds. I don't know how I lost weight, I've been eating and I think I'm retaining water because my finges are HUGE! The doctor said that if I don't have the baby within the next 3 weeks naturally they will do a C section and take it at that point. No induction here, apparently the baby is too small and it's too tramatic for it. Also, if I do go into labor naturally unless it is a quick labor, they will do a C Section. I have to admit I am bummed. I have never wanted a C Section. I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I had Scoliosis surgery when I was 12 and I don't think I can have an epidural. Well, my surgeon told me I couldn't but my OBGYN told me it may be possible. This means they may have to put me under completely for the birth. How bad does that suck? I've waited so long for this, I want to watch the baby be born or be pulled out of me. Yes, I'm that wierd person who wants to witness the birth up close and personal. Oh well, I shouldn't complain, I know I am blessed to be at this stage.
The only thing on the agenda is to try to eat more, rest, get the house in order and hopefully get the baby's stuff together. My mom and I have been washing clothes today and trying to organize. The crib should be delivered within the next week. The sooner the better.
The only thing on the agenda is to try to eat more, rest, get the house in order and hopefully get the baby's stuff together. My mom and I have been washing clothes today and trying to organize. The crib should be delivered within the next week. The sooner the better.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
33 weeks
We are 33 weeks pregnant today. To say I can't believe we have made it this far would be an understatement. I am so grateful.
My mom arrived last Thursday and she and I are now relaxing at the beach. Our last doctor's appointments have gone well, the baby is really small but other than that we are both fine. I took two streroid shots to help the baby's lungs develop in case I go into labor soon. I'm also on heavy duty medicine to keep my contractions in check. Last night this little one was going crazy. It was very uncomfortable but after it's last soccer match at about 4am, it decided to take a rest and get some sleep. Today it's back to a normal amount of activity.
Back to the doctor on Monday for another update. Fingers are crossed he/she doesn't arrive before then.
On another note, we finally picked out and ordered our crib and mattress. We just need to pay for it and have it delivered when I get back in town. This is a relief as it has been a little trying to pick one out. They don't have big showrooms here like they do at Babies R Us to look at so we are actually buying something we have only seen out of a catalogue. Hopefully it will be ok. The best thing is that we don't have to wait for it. We thought it would take a month to get it but they have it in stock.
My mom arrived last Thursday and she and I are now relaxing at the beach. Our last doctor's appointments have gone well, the baby is really small but other than that we are both fine. I took two streroid shots to help the baby's lungs develop in case I go into labor soon. I'm also on heavy duty medicine to keep my contractions in check. Last night this little one was going crazy. It was very uncomfortable but after it's last soccer match at about 4am, it decided to take a rest and get some sleep. Today it's back to a normal amount of activity.
Back to the doctor on Monday for another update. Fingers are crossed he/she doesn't arrive before then.
On another note, we finally picked out and ordered our crib and mattress. We just need to pay for it and have it delivered when I get back in town. This is a relief as it has been a little trying to pick one out. They don't have big showrooms here like they do at Babies R Us to look at so we are actually buying something we have only seen out of a catalogue. Hopefully it will be ok. The best thing is that we don't have to wait for it. We thought it would take a month to get it but they have it in stock.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Hormones and memory
I think that I have done a good job keeping my hormones in check during this pregnancy. I know someone else who is pregnant and her husband constantly says that she is a bear to live with. Everytime I get off the phone with him, I ask my husband if I'm like that and he assures me I'm not. I have had my episodes of fits but can usually get them under control quickly or I just go into bed and cry it out. But, like many of the bad parts of pregnancy, you forget about them. Well last night I had a crying episode over something so stupid. I think I mentioned before that we rented a house at the beach for the summer about an hour away from our house and have been going every weekend. Well, for some reason, when I'm there I always leave the water in the kitchen on. Sometimes I even check it and swear that it's off only to hear my husband calling my name a few minutes later to tell me it is on. It's never happend at our house, until last night. My husband was taking a shower and as usual, I had to go to the bathroom and couldn't wait for him to finish. Because it had been a whole 20 minutes since I last went and heaven forbid I wait more 20 minutes. I washed my hands when I was done and left. A few minutes later I hear my husband calling my name, I left the water on again which he saw when he got out of the shower. He was a little irritated because it made his shower super hot and he couldnt figure out what was going on. I went to check because I was certain I had turned it off but sure enough, the water was running. I turned it off and went back t the kitchen only to break down in a crying fit. I couldn't help myself. It was so stupid but my hormones got the best of me. I just can't stand being so dumb and forgetfull alll the time. It's such an effort to remember things. Thankfully, my husband helped me quickly laugh at myself. My doctor said that pregnant women have the memory of a goldfish. Even better, she said that I should get better after I give birth but may not be back to normal. Really? I need my memory back!! This is so annoying.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
My mom is coming...
My mom is coming tomorrow night to stay and help me out. She will be here for 3 months and I can't wait. It will be so nice to have one of my family members here to help out and to see me pregnant. I haven't seen her in almost a year (she came last November when I had the etopic pregnancy). It's been 16 months since I've seen my dad, brother, nieces and other friends at home. Sometimes it is hard living so far from home. But, I have a great doctor here, I don't think I would have gotten better care at home and we went to the beach every weekend this summer which was awesome. Mom and I are headed there on Friday until we have to come back to the city for a doctor's appointment.
Had an appointment the fancy ultrasound doctor yesterday and it looks like the little one is not growing as rapidly as it should. He said we are only in the 5% for weight and length. Only 3.3 pounds. According to my doctor two weeks ago we were in the 46%. Either we are running out of room or someone measured wrong. We go back to our doctor on Friday and hopefully we will get to do another ultrasound and get new measurements.
Had an appointment the fancy ultrasound doctor yesterday and it looks like the little one is not growing as rapidly as it should. He said we are only in the 5% for weight and length. Only 3.3 pounds. According to my doctor two weeks ago we were in the 46%. Either we are running out of room or someone measured wrong. We go back to our doctor on Friday and hopefully we will get to do another ultrasound and get new measurements.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
No More Work!
Tuesday was my last day at work. The good news, I am officially off unitl the baby comes and them some after that. The bad news, I'm not eligible for maternity leave pay from the gov. here b/c I didn't work for 6 months (or rather my employer didn't contribute to Social Security for 6 months last year). I'm a little freaked out b/c that means I won't get paid while I am off work but I am trying to do some stuff at home to make a little money. I would have gotten paid or partially paid for 18 weeks if everything was fine with Social Insurance. Sometimes I hate being a foreigner!
Other news, the crib we want is not in stock. Actually it doesn't seem like they have many cribs here ready to sell. They have a handful of models to look at, then you just go to the catalogue. We're going to order it next week, it should be here at the end of October. We just have to figure out where the little one will sleep before the crib arrives.
Other news, the crib we want is not in stock. Actually it doesn't seem like they have many cribs here ready to sell. They have a handful of models to look at, then you just go to the catalogue. We're going to order it next week, it should be here at the end of October. We just have to figure out where the little one will sleep before the crib arrives.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Dreams
I have been having the weirdest dreams lately. Well mini dreams I should say since I don’t sleep long at all. They are either about people from my childhood who have had children recently. I might add that these people grew up in the same small town as I did but are about 5 – 8 years younger than me and I haven’t talked to them in years. I still keep in touch with their parents and know about their lives through their parents, my parents or Facebook. Stupid dreams about them being parents now. Nothing significant happents. I don’t even think I have any interaction with them in the dreams or that I am actually part of the dream, it’s more like I am a fly on the wall. The other thing I dream about is the books I am reading. As I said, I don’t sleep much and I fall asleep reading my book about 5 different times a night. I dream of the characters in the book and make up the next part of the story. Then I wake up and have to read on to find out what is really going on.
I must say that both types of dreams are driving me nuts. I just want one peaceful night of uninterrupted blissful sleep. I guess this baby is trying to prepare me for what life will be like when he/she comes out.
I must say that both types of dreams are driving me nuts. I just want one peaceful night of uninterrupted blissful sleep. I guess this baby is trying to prepare me for what life will be like when he/she comes out.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Before I forget...
Last week while out celebrating our anniversary, my husband and I started talking about all the things that had happened to us in the past year. It is just about a year to the date that we first went to the doctor to discuss infertility. While I thought I would remember everything about this year and particularly about this pregnancy, I was surprised that we both had forgotten things. I don’t know if you put them out of your head because there is so much going on or that it’s easier to move forward if you aren’t constantly looking back. However, I do think it is amazing that we’ve put my body through so much and it’s still ticking and that my husband has become quite the nurse. The first time we sat in the doctor’s office he flat out said that he could not give me any injections. He hates needles and blood and I respected and accepted his decision. I wasn’t going to pressure him. However, for some reason he changed his mind immediately. I am so thankful because I gave myself a few shots and while it wasn’t horrible, it is so much better when someone else does it.
That being said, I’m going to try to go back in the next few weeks and capture some of those memories before I forget them. I’ve written a ton of blogs in my head late at night when I can’t sleep but I can’t seem to get pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). Hopefully I will start doing a better job!
That being said, I’m going to try to go back in the next few weeks and capture some of those memories before I forget them. I’ve written a ton of blogs in my head late at night when I can’t sleep but I can’t seem to get pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard). Hopefully I will start doing a better job!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Happy Anniversary
August 19, 2006, four years ago today, I married the love of my life. The last four years have brought about a myriad of changes and obstacles but we have survived them all and I feel that we are in a good place. I feel so lucky and fortunate to be where I am today and am so thankful to my husband for standing by my side. We have been through so much, while infertility is a part of it, it is not everything. Not by a long shot. Thank you my dear husband for believing in me when I couldn’t believe in myself. Thank you for loving me. I look forward to many, many more years together.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Making Progress and Feeling Stuck
We’ve made progress…we bought a car seat, a stroller and a portable changing pad. I know it might not sound like much but to us it was. We have been so afraid to buy anything for fear that something would go wrong. We didn’t really plan on buying anything but I wanted to go and check out a coupe of stores to see what was available over here. There isn’t a big Babies R US or Target that I know I can get things from so I was getting a little worried that we would need something in a hurry and we wouldn’t know where to go. Plus there are sales here in August and I wanted to see when they ended so we could take advantage of them.
I think my husband and I both feel strange about buying these things. As I said, we still can’t believe that this is all happening. It’s strange, you try for something for so long, hope and pray for it, picture yourself as a parent and then when the time is getting close and it looks like you might actually make it, you can’t picture it any more. I don’t know how to describe the feeling. I do feel excited but a strange excitement, like I’m living in someone else’s body. I am afraid to get attached to this baby out of fear. My mom called today and told me that my brother and sister in law are already picking out names for their child who isn’t due till the end of January. She said this is normal. She can’t understand that we don’t feel comfortable doing the same. Our baby should be arriving in the next 3 – 6 weeks and we don’t have names. We had a girls first name picked out for our first pregnancy (that baby would be 3 next month) but I don’t know if we should/are going to use it or not. We have no boys names and we haven’t even talked about having middle names or not. They don’t use them over here but we do in the States. We said last week that we would start thinking about it after our next appointment, next week, at week 30. This has been the story throughout our pregnancy, things we are scared to do we say we will do it after the next appointment, then when that appointment comes and goes we say the same thing over and over. Is this normal for a couple who has struggled and lost other babies?
I think my husband and I both feel strange about buying these things. As I said, we still can’t believe that this is all happening. It’s strange, you try for something for so long, hope and pray for it, picture yourself as a parent and then when the time is getting close and it looks like you might actually make it, you can’t picture it any more. I don’t know how to describe the feeling. I do feel excited but a strange excitement, like I’m living in someone else’s body. I am afraid to get attached to this baby out of fear. My mom called today and told me that my brother and sister in law are already picking out names for their child who isn’t due till the end of January. She said this is normal. She can’t understand that we don’t feel comfortable doing the same. Our baby should be arriving in the next 3 – 6 weeks and we don’t have names. We had a girls first name picked out for our first pregnancy (that baby would be 3 next month) but I don’t know if we should/are going to use it or not. We have no boys names and we haven’t even talked about having middle names or not. They don’t use them over here but we do in the States. We said last week that we would start thinking about it after our next appointment, next week, at week 30. This has been the story throughout our pregnancy, things we are scared to do we say we will do it after the next appointment, then when that appointment comes and goes we say the same thing over and over. Is this normal for a couple who has struggled and lost other babies?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
28 week update
We made it to 28 weeks!!!
We went to the doctor again yesterday and all looks well. She thinks we will make it to 32 weeks and probably deliever before October 2nd which is just onver 35 weeks. Not too too bad.
The baby has turned around and is no longer breech, hopefully it will stay that way. There are a couple of ultrasound pictures from yesterday that you might find entertaining. The kid looks like a pretzel. One foot and hand under its chin, the other leg straight down and bent at the knee and the other arm was straight down I think. We didn’t' get a good look at it.
We are very happy to have made it this far and are thankful for each day this little one stays put. I have permission to work for another 2 weeks which is amazing.
Here are the latest stats:
Baby:
Heartbeat: 150 bpm
Weight 1150 grams +/-77 grams (47 percentile)
aka 40.5 ounces (2.5 pounds) +/-2.7 ounces
Weight gain since last appointment 2 weeks ago - 300 grams (10.5 ounces)
Head Measurement 25.9 cm (28w0d)
Abdominal Circumference 23.2 cm (27w3d)
Femur Length 5.25 cm (28w0d)
My weight gain since appointment 2 weeks ago - .7 kg (1.5 pounds)
We went to the doctor again yesterday and all looks well. She thinks we will make it to 32 weeks and probably deliever before October 2nd which is just onver 35 weeks. Not too too bad.
The baby has turned around and is no longer breech, hopefully it will stay that way. There are a couple of ultrasound pictures from yesterday that you might find entertaining. The kid looks like a pretzel. One foot and hand under its chin, the other leg straight down and bent at the knee and the other arm was straight down I think. We didn’t' get a good look at it.
We are very happy to have made it this far and are thankful for each day this little one stays put. I have permission to work for another 2 weeks which is amazing.
Here are the latest stats:
Baby:
Heartbeat: 150 bpm
Weight 1150 grams +/-77 grams (47 percentile)
aka 40.5 ounces (2.5 pounds) +/-2.7 ounces
Weight gain since last appointment 2 weeks ago - 300 grams (10.5 ounces)
Head Measurement 25.9 cm (28w0d)
Abdominal Circumference 23.2 cm (27w3d)
Femur Length 5.25 cm (28w0d)
My weight gain since appointment 2 weeks ago - .7 kg (1.5 pounds)
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
A Conception Story on TLC
I just found this online and thought you might find it interesting.
http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/a-conception-story/
It follows 6 women who are trying to get pregnant. From what I can see, 2 belong with us Infertiles, Amber and Mary. My heart breaks for them and once again reminds me of the journey we have been on and to be thankful that I am where I am now. It took four long years but I'm hear, 28 weeks pregnant. Still doesn't feel real. Going to the doctors in a couple of hours so hopefully I will have good news to report tomorrow.
http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/a-conception-story/
It follows 6 women who are trying to get pregnant. From what I can see, 2 belong with us Infertiles, Amber and Mary. My heart breaks for them and once again reminds me of the journey we have been on and to be thankful that I am where I am now. It took four long years but I'm hear, 28 weeks pregnant. Still doesn't feel real. Going to the doctors in a couple of hours so hopefully I will have good news to report tomorrow.
Monday, August 9, 2010
First IVF baby has baby
I am so thankful to her parents and doctors and how far technology has come since 1981. So hard to believe that if my parents had trouble conceiving me in 1975, IVF wouldn't have been an option.
I especially like the quote in the video when she says there is no way to thank the doctors who gave her life. I feel the same about my doctor. How do you thank these miracle workers? I hope that my baby knows how special he/she is just as Elizabeth does.
http://www.boston.com/news/health/articles/2010/08/06/a_first_for_the_first/?p1=Well_MostPop_Emailed7
I especially like the quote in the video when she says there is no way to thank the doctors who gave her life. I feel the same about my doctor. How do you thank these miracle workers? I hope that my baby knows how special he/she is just as Elizabeth does.
http://www.boston.com/news/health/articles/2010/08/06/a_first_for_the_first/?p1=Well_MostPop_Emailed7
Friday, July 16, 2010
23 week ultrasound pictures
Here are a couple of pictues from our 23 week ultrasound. The first one is kind of a wierd angle so I've included descriptions. We didn't get any good pictures at the 24 week photo session. Hopefully we will have more cooperation for week 26.
Hope everyone has a great weekend. We're headed to the beach, it will be good to get some relief from this heat.
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Hope everyone has a great weekend. We're headed to the beach, it will be good to get some relief from this heat.
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Tuesday, July 13, 2010
24 Weeks!!!
24 weeks today. A milestone in my mind though I keep telling myself I will not celebrate milestones anymore because when I do, something seems to happen that puts me back in my place. At any rate, I feel happy. Happy to be at week 24 where if god forbid something happened out little one would still have a chance, happy that I finally slept through the night (I should add that my new standard of sleeping through the night means I didn’t get up to go to the bathroom and when I did wake up to roll over, I didn’t start reading but went back to sleep), happy that I don’t have the sharp knife like pain in my lower abdomen as bad as I did the last two days and very happy that my husband was able to feel our little one doing somersaults for quite awhile this morning (previously he has just felt an odd movement here or there, this was a full on show.)
Other than that, here’s a run down of things at this stage.
Uterus – a little off center, you can really see it if I lay on my back, the left side is fairly flat. When I’m standing it looks fairly normal. I’m curious to see what it will do as I get bigger.
Beach – We got a place at the beach for the summer. It took me about 2 months to get over my fear but I finally get in and stand in the water. The doctor told me I wasn’t allowed to swim, just stand. It feels good, takes pressure off my stomach and boobs.
Boobs – I think they may have grown again. The left one is now much larger than the right and I have this really weird vein on the side of my left one. It is gross!
Varicose Veins - Noticed a couple on my ankle the other day. Again, gross. Don’t want to search for any others, I’m afraid of what I will find.
Appetite – Fairly non existent. No real aversions or cravings but nothing really sounds good. Could be the heat, the summers are really hot over here!
Utrogesterone (progesterone) – The doctor told me I could start taking them only at night now but I’m scared to stop. I had the same problem when she told me to go to twice a day. When I start feeling better I will stop. I know it won’t hurt me or the baby to continue but I know I need to stop too. They are disguising too so it will be good to stop sticking my fingers up my hooha every morning.
Baby – He/she is moving quite a bit. I’m not sure if there is schedule or not like I keep reading about but I definitely feel him/her when I get up, try to go to sleep and while I’m at work. I can also tell when he/she is high or low in my uterus. High is much better. Low is painful.
Husband – Taking good care of me, I feel bad that so much has been put on him because of this pregnancy. He has been so good to me.
Baby gear/names – We are still too scared to go there, maybe after our next appointment at 26 weeks, though we say that after each appointment. Were just afraid to jinx ourselves.
Good luck to everyone out there trying to get pregnant or pregnant. I know it is a long, hard emotional struggle. I hope that by reading my blog and others you will know that you are not alone.
Other than that, here’s a run down of things at this stage.
Uterus – a little off center, you can really see it if I lay on my back, the left side is fairly flat. When I’m standing it looks fairly normal. I’m curious to see what it will do as I get bigger.
Beach – We got a place at the beach for the summer. It took me about 2 months to get over my fear but I finally get in and stand in the water. The doctor told me I wasn’t allowed to swim, just stand. It feels good, takes pressure off my stomach and boobs.
Boobs – I think they may have grown again. The left one is now much larger than the right and I have this really weird vein on the side of my left one. It is gross!
Varicose Veins - Noticed a couple on my ankle the other day. Again, gross. Don’t want to search for any others, I’m afraid of what I will find.
Appetite – Fairly non existent. No real aversions or cravings but nothing really sounds good. Could be the heat, the summers are really hot over here!
Utrogesterone (progesterone) – The doctor told me I could start taking them only at night now but I’m scared to stop. I had the same problem when she told me to go to twice a day. When I start feeling better I will stop. I know it won’t hurt me or the baby to continue but I know I need to stop too. They are disguising too so it will be good to stop sticking my fingers up my hooha every morning.
Baby – He/she is moving quite a bit. I’m not sure if there is schedule or not like I keep reading about but I definitely feel him/her when I get up, try to go to sleep and while I’m at work. I can also tell when he/she is high or low in my uterus. High is much better. Low is painful.
Husband – Taking good care of me, I feel bad that so much has been put on him because of this pregnancy. He has been so good to me.
Baby gear/names – We are still too scared to go there, maybe after our next appointment at 26 weeks, though we say that after each appointment. Were just afraid to jinx ourselves.
Good luck to everyone out there trying to get pregnant or pregnant. I know it is a long, hard emotional struggle. I hope that by reading my blog and others you will know that you are not alone.
Friday, July 9, 2010
22/23 week update
Our 22 and 23 week appointments went well. The baby is on target and still has room to move in my unicorn uterus which is good. It weighs about 20 ounces now which is in the 54 percentile. The only thing we are a little concerned about is that our 22 week super ultrasound showed a small mark on the baby’s heart that increases our risk of down syndrome by 10% but our odds are still low. I think our chances now are 1 in 836 which isn’t too big. We’ll just continue to pray for a healthy baby. The doctor thinks I’m going to make it to 32 weeks at least :)
Does anyone else have horrible hip pain when they sleep? I now wake up from the pain and not to pee (though once I’m up to move positions, I head to the bathroom as well). As the doctor told me, I only lay on my sides and it feels like an elephant is sitting on my hip. I have a body pillow but that doesn’t seem to provide much relief. Any suggestions? Anyone going through the same thing?
Does anyone else have horrible hip pain when they sleep? I now wake up from the pain and not to pee (though once I’m up to move positions, I head to the bathroom as well). As the doctor told me, I only lay on my sides and it feels like an elephant is sitting on my hip. I have a body pillow but that doesn’t seem to provide much relief. Any suggestions? Anyone going through the same thing?
Friday, June 18, 2010
Half Way There
On Tuesday, June 15th we officially made it to 20 weeks. That’s ½ to full term and 12 weeks away from our minimum of 32 week goal. While we are thrilled to have made it this far, the day before we were very rudely reminded that we are not in the clear. We were scheduled for a doctor’s appointment on Wed. but on Monday I didn’t feel well all day and by the time my husband came home I was in pain so he called the doctor and off we went.
Thankfully the baby still looks good and my cervix is still long (4cm) and didn’t move when the doctor pushed on the top of my uterus. She thinks I had a contraction and put me on magnesium to help prevent more. So far so good. She also told me to modify my diet as it could have been a digestive problem. I’m suppose to eat sick people’s food (boiled chicken, pasta, rice etc.) no salad which stinks because it is the one thing I really crave. I didn’t have a little last night I have to admit.
This little scare taught me that I shouldn’t get excited about the milestones as the end of the 1st trimester brought spotting, a blood clot, a night in the clinic and a week of bed rest. So, we will just be thankful for everyday we make it through and continue to pray that we will be blessed with a healthy little one at the end of this.
I want to send a thank you out into the universe to my husband for all his support through this journey. While he doesn’t have to undergo the physical aspects of it, like me, he has gone through the emotional side of it and lived through the daily joys, trials and tribulations. Not to mention becoming a pseudo-nurse in the process and taking on most of the everyday household chores. I think that the toll a pregnancy takes on the husband is often overlooked and when combined with infertility and all that goes along with it that toll is much, much larger. Those of you who have been through this know what I am talking about and know that unless you've been through this you can't completely understand it. So, a very special and big thank you to him! I am a very lucky lady.
Here are the latest pictures but given that I was very uncomfortable when the doctor was doing the ultrasound (s) she got only the info she needed and didn’t stick around to try to get the best shot. We forgot to ask for them for the last 2 ultrasounds.
Thankfully the baby still looks good and my cervix is still long (4cm) and didn’t move when the doctor pushed on the top of my uterus. She thinks I had a contraction and put me on magnesium to help prevent more. So far so good. She also told me to modify my diet as it could have been a digestive problem. I’m suppose to eat sick people’s food (boiled chicken, pasta, rice etc.) no salad which stinks because it is the one thing I really crave. I didn’t have a little last night I have to admit.
This little scare taught me that I shouldn’t get excited about the milestones as the end of the 1st trimester brought spotting, a blood clot, a night in the clinic and a week of bed rest. So, we will just be thankful for everyday we make it through and continue to pray that we will be blessed with a healthy little one at the end of this.
I want to send a thank you out into the universe to my husband for all his support through this journey. While he doesn’t have to undergo the physical aspects of it, like me, he has gone through the emotional side of it and lived through the daily joys, trials and tribulations. Not to mention becoming a pseudo-nurse in the process and taking on most of the everyday household chores. I think that the toll a pregnancy takes on the husband is often overlooked and when combined with infertility and all that goes along with it that toll is much, much larger. Those of you who have been through this know what I am talking about and know that unless you've been through this you can't completely understand it. So, a very special and big thank you to him! I am a very lucky lady.
Here are the latest pictures but given that I was very uncomfortable when the doctor was doing the ultrasound (s) she got only the info she needed and didn’t stick around to try to get the best shot. We forgot to ask for them for the last 2 ultrasounds.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Kicking
My husband felt the baby kick for the first time yesterday (19 weeks and 5 days). It was very exciting. Tomorrow we hit the 20 week mark. Halfway there and 12 weeks away from our minimum goal of 32 weeks. Our 20 week ultrasound is scheduled for Wed. Can't wait! Praying everything is still going well in there.
Friday, June 11, 2010
The Green Eyed Monster
I am a little embarrassed to admit this but I think getting it off my chest will make me feel better. Hopefully if others feel the same way, they will know they aren’t alone.
My brother has 2 children, a 7 year old from a girlfriend who would become his wife for a short time. And a 2 year old that he conceived less than two months after getting married. His second wife has wanted another child for awhile but my brother has been content. As I have been going through my infertility test and treatments I have secretly hoped that she wouldn’t become pregnant until I did. I didn’t think I could handle it. Apparently my brother has gotten all of the fertile genes in the family and my parents were all out when they made me. I know that’s stupid but I feel that way sometimes. He’s one of those people who says, let’s have a kid and bam 9 months later one pops out. Or in the case of his first, doesn’t wear protection and has the same result.
My brother called last week and I jokingly said something about him having another kid. He replied that his wife wanted one so sooner or later she would get it. I said not to wait too long, he’s not getting any younger (he’ll be 39 in Dec). So, Wednesday I called my sister in law for her birthday to find out that she is 7 ½ weeks pregnant. Don’t get me wrong I am very happy for her but I am jealous. She’s on vacation, she got to fly there, she’s still having the occasional cocktail and living life as normal. The only medicine she’s on is prenatal vitamins, I’m on a cocktail of 49 pills a day and this is a drastic decrease from what it was 2 weeks ago (that will be another blog). Might I also add that my brother travels all the time for work and is only home for a few nights a week so it’s not like they are home trying a lot. Once again, the fertile member of the family strikes again.
When we went to the dr. at about 10 weeks, my husband asked “So, she’ll be out of the woods after 12 weeks right” and the dr. laughed and said, she’ll never be out of the woods. My lovely unicorn uterus doesn’t afford me the luxury to every settle into this pregnancy and be confident that it will result in a baby. I feel sort of robbed of that joy. I can’t travel back to the States to see my family or for anywhere for that matter, there is already talk of bed rest starting in 3 weeks, I still check the toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom (which is quite often) to make sure nothing is there and have been banned from sex and any type of exercise for my entire pregnancy. My best friend who went through multiple failed IUIs before conceiving twins with IVF told me yesterday that she had the same feeling so maybe it’s an infertility thing compounded by my unicorn uterus.
I don’t want to be jealous but I am. I wish that at 7 ½ weeks I just assumed that everything would be fine and I’d have a healthy baby. I wish I felt like that at 19 ½ weeks. Instead I worry about another miscarriage, preterm labor and the rest of it.
So if you are an infertile like me and still find yourself jealous of those people who can get pregnant at the blink of an eye and not worry about their pregnancy, know you are not alone. You can keep telling the green eyed monster to hit the road but I don't think it will every completly go away.
My brother has 2 children, a 7 year old from a girlfriend who would become his wife for a short time. And a 2 year old that he conceived less than two months after getting married. His second wife has wanted another child for awhile but my brother has been content. As I have been going through my infertility test and treatments I have secretly hoped that she wouldn’t become pregnant until I did. I didn’t think I could handle it. Apparently my brother has gotten all of the fertile genes in the family and my parents were all out when they made me. I know that’s stupid but I feel that way sometimes. He’s one of those people who says, let’s have a kid and bam 9 months later one pops out. Or in the case of his first, doesn’t wear protection and has the same result.
My brother called last week and I jokingly said something about him having another kid. He replied that his wife wanted one so sooner or later she would get it. I said not to wait too long, he’s not getting any younger (he’ll be 39 in Dec). So, Wednesday I called my sister in law for her birthday to find out that she is 7 ½ weeks pregnant. Don’t get me wrong I am very happy for her but I am jealous. She’s on vacation, she got to fly there, she’s still having the occasional cocktail and living life as normal. The only medicine she’s on is prenatal vitamins, I’m on a cocktail of 49 pills a day and this is a drastic decrease from what it was 2 weeks ago (that will be another blog). Might I also add that my brother travels all the time for work and is only home for a few nights a week so it’s not like they are home trying a lot. Once again, the fertile member of the family strikes again.
When we went to the dr. at about 10 weeks, my husband asked “So, she’ll be out of the woods after 12 weeks right” and the dr. laughed and said, she’ll never be out of the woods. My lovely unicorn uterus doesn’t afford me the luxury to every settle into this pregnancy and be confident that it will result in a baby. I feel sort of robbed of that joy. I can’t travel back to the States to see my family or for anywhere for that matter, there is already talk of bed rest starting in 3 weeks, I still check the toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom (which is quite often) to make sure nothing is there and have been banned from sex and any type of exercise for my entire pregnancy. My best friend who went through multiple failed IUIs before conceiving twins with IVF told me yesterday that she had the same feeling so maybe it’s an infertility thing compounded by my unicorn uterus.
I don’t want to be jealous but I am. I wish that at 7 ½ weeks I just assumed that everything would be fine and I’d have a healthy baby. I wish I felt like that at 19 ½ weeks. Instead I worry about another miscarriage, preterm labor and the rest of it.
So if you are an infertile like me and still find yourself jealous of those people who can get pregnant at the blink of an eye and not worry about their pregnancy, know you are not alone. You can keep telling the green eyed monster to hit the road but I don't think it will every completly go away.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
What do you say...?
For the first time yesterday, someone I just met asked me if I was pregnant. Yea! I guess I'm finally showing. But her first question was, is this your first? What do you say to this? It's the first time I've gotten this far? Yes, it’s my first? No, I had two miscarriages? Saying it's my first seems wrong but why do I want to discuss my miscarriages with complete strangers? What's the proper protocol here? Any suggestions?
Friday, June 4, 2010
Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder
Yesterday I finally broke down and went shopping for some new over the shoulder boulder holder. Not as easy as it would be back home in the States as I never quite know where to go, if the person helping me will speak English. One thing I do know for certain is that buying a bra here means you will get felt up by the clerk. Happened to me the first time I came here 9 years ago and wanted one of those bras with clear straps. So my then boyfriends mom took me shopping. In the middle of the department store, two clerks (one was her cousin) felt me up to determine my bra size. I kid you not. They were all speaking Greek so I had no idea what was going on. I just stood there. I had only met my now mother in law a couple of days earlier and the other women were strangers.
Last week, my MIL took me maternity shopping. We looked for bathing suits where once again I got felt up. Not out in the open this time, in the dressing room. The clerk reached right inside the bathing suits and moved my boobs around. I didn’t buy anything that day because 1. the bathing suits made me look like a porn star and 2. the top cost about $100.
I was so uncomfortable at work yesterday that I kept undoing my bra in the bak. As soon I left, I went bra/bathing suit shopping. The good news is the clerk spoke English, was very helpful, I got good prices and while I got felt up, it wasn’t quite as invasive as last time. Bad news is that b/c of my giant chest, I didn’t have a lot of choice in bathing suits but at least I got one that fits!
I have gone from a C to an E cup. Yep, up 3 sizes and I think they are still growing. Pretty soon I will need a real bolder holder. I told my mom we could use my bra as a tent for the baby when it is born it’s so big. Dolly Parton has nothing on me.
Last week, my MIL took me maternity shopping. We looked for bathing suits where once again I got felt up. Not out in the open this time, in the dressing room. The clerk reached right inside the bathing suits and moved my boobs around. I didn’t buy anything that day because 1. the bathing suits made me look like a porn star and 2. the top cost about $100.
I was so uncomfortable at work yesterday that I kept undoing my bra in the bak. As soon I left, I went bra/bathing suit shopping. The good news is the clerk spoke English, was very helpful, I got good prices and while I got felt up, it wasn’t quite as invasive as last time. Bad news is that b/c of my giant chest, I didn’t have a lot of choice in bathing suits but at least I got one that fits!
I have gone from a C to an E cup. Yep, up 3 sizes and I think they are still growing. Pretty soon I will need a real bolder holder. I told my mom we could use my bra as a tent for the baby when it is born it’s so big. Dolly Parton has nothing on me.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Is that our little one?
If I have a unicorn uterus and am missing the left side of my uterus, why do the movements that I think are the baby on that side? The movements are about an inch above my pubic hair line and a about 2 inches off center (on the non uterus side). Any suggestion?s Is it not my baby? It doesn't feel like round ligament pain at all but king of little jabs, they are a little painful and stop me in my tracks. Some of them feel quite low like they are in my cervix. I don't have gas and actually went to the bathroom today so I don't think it's that either. It's only 12pm and I've already had two full trays of ice and there is a lot of movement. After some research I found out that ice water wakes up the little one. Go figure. You think I would have put two and two together but pregnancy brain has kicked in full force.
What do you think? Could my half uterus be off center by that much? Is it not the baby?
What do you think? Could my half uterus be off center by that much? Is it not the baby?
Friday, May 28, 2010
17 weeks
We had our 17 week appointment and ultrasound on Wednesday and all looks good. We don’t have pictures to share as there weren’t any really clear images. I thought the belly was the head if that tells you anything. According to the Dr., all is going well, the baby has long legs and from what I could see a big body. Heartbeat was fine.
The doctor said she could tell if it was a boy or girl but I don’t want to know so she didn’t tell us. I think my husband may find out later. We’ll see at the next appointment. I think it may have been a little early to tell but although I may feel like a doctor after the year we’ve had, clearly I am not! My mom and best friend at home also want to know for logistical reasons. My mom wants to stock up on baby clothes in the States before she comes for the birth because it is so much cheaper. Well that and let’s face it she can’t take surprises. This is the lady who we hide her Christmas presents unwrapped in her closet until Christmas Eve so she won’t find them. Counter intuitive I know but it works. Then every Christmas Eve my dad and I get together and wrap them. Once we hid something at the neighbors. If they are wrapped under the tree she will unwrap them and wrap them again and you’ll never know. While she claims she wouldn’t do this anymore, we don’t think it’s true. As for my best friend, she had twins last September, a boy and a girl and she is going to keep all the clothes for which ever sex I need. This is awesome, I am so excited. Our kids will be almost exactly a year apart so seasons won’t matter and I’m not kidding you in the pictures I get of them (almost daily) they are never wearing the same clothes
Back to the appointment, the Dr. said I had put on a little too much weight (about 6 pounds in 3 weeks) so I have to watch what I eat a little more. Basically I’m a fat ass but what do they expect when they won’t let me exercise? Hopefully it will settle itself out since my appetite is back to normal and I don’t want to eat everything in sight. No threats yet of being put on the fat ward like my mom. I kid you not, she gave birth to my brother and I at a military hospital and she said they kept threathening to put her in the fat ward if she didn’t stop gaining so much weight. I need to figure out how much she gained. I think I’m going to blame it on my giant chest, I think I could give Dolly Parton a run for her money. I went from a 36C to a 38E and looks like I’m still growing. I’m talking porn star boobs. Too bad they aren’t good for anything as we are on a Dr. order sex ban (more on that later.)
Good news…it doesn’t look like we are going to have to have a clearage. The other ultrasound tech will check again at 22 weeks but so far so good. What a relief!! I was not looking forward to that.
My husband’s grandma is here from England visiting so we invited her to the ultrasound. I think she enjoyed being part of the experience. I say I think because while I’ve been here a year, I still don’t speak Greek and she’s lived in Engand for about 40 years and doesn’t speak English. Actually we both speak about 10 words of the other language so communicating is entertaining.
All in all things are going well. Though we’ve seen this kiddo quite a few times with the ultrasound and heard its heart beat, it still doesn’t seem real. Even when I went to look at maternity clothes yesterday I thought I was an imposter. Maybe when I feel it kicking or when my bump gets bigger. Guess this is the life of the infertiles, we are too cautious and scared to believe it is real.
The doctor said she could tell if it was a boy or girl but I don’t want to know so she didn’t tell us. I think my husband may find out later. We’ll see at the next appointment. I think it may have been a little early to tell but although I may feel like a doctor after the year we’ve had, clearly I am not! My mom and best friend at home also want to know for logistical reasons. My mom wants to stock up on baby clothes in the States before she comes for the birth because it is so much cheaper. Well that and let’s face it she can’t take surprises. This is the lady who we hide her Christmas presents unwrapped in her closet until Christmas Eve so she won’t find them. Counter intuitive I know but it works. Then every Christmas Eve my dad and I get together and wrap them. Once we hid something at the neighbors. If they are wrapped under the tree she will unwrap them and wrap them again and you’ll never know. While she claims she wouldn’t do this anymore, we don’t think it’s true. As for my best friend, she had twins last September, a boy and a girl and she is going to keep all the clothes for which ever sex I need. This is awesome, I am so excited. Our kids will be almost exactly a year apart so seasons won’t matter and I’m not kidding you in the pictures I get of them (almost daily) they are never wearing the same clothes
Back to the appointment, the Dr. said I had put on a little too much weight (about 6 pounds in 3 weeks) so I have to watch what I eat a little more. Basically I’m a fat ass but what do they expect when they won’t let me exercise? Hopefully it will settle itself out since my appetite is back to normal and I don’t want to eat everything in sight. No threats yet of being put on the fat ward like my mom. I kid you not, she gave birth to my brother and I at a military hospital and she said they kept threathening to put her in the fat ward if she didn’t stop gaining so much weight. I need to figure out how much she gained. I think I’m going to blame it on my giant chest, I think I could give Dolly Parton a run for her money. I went from a 36C to a 38E and looks like I’m still growing. I’m talking porn star boobs. Too bad they aren’t good for anything as we are on a Dr. order sex ban (more on that later.)
Good news…it doesn’t look like we are going to have to have a clearage. The other ultrasound tech will check again at 22 weeks but so far so good. What a relief!! I was not looking forward to that.
My husband’s grandma is here from England visiting so we invited her to the ultrasound. I think she enjoyed being part of the experience. I say I think because while I’ve been here a year, I still don’t speak Greek and she’s lived in Engand for about 40 years and doesn’t speak English. Actually we both speak about 10 words of the other language so communicating is entertaining.
All in all things are going well. Though we’ve seen this kiddo quite a few times with the ultrasound and heard its heart beat, it still doesn’t seem real. Even when I went to look at maternity clothes yesterday I thought I was an imposter. Maybe when I feel it kicking or when my bump gets bigger. Guess this is the life of the infertiles, we are too cautious and scared to believe it is real.
Friday, May 21, 2010
The Bathroom
I can’t believe about to do this but yes, this will be a whole post related to the bathroom. It seems to be such a big part of my life right now and I wonder if I’m normal. While I hope that you aren’t going through the same thing, it would be comforting to know that there are others out there.
It started a few months ago when I started to get super constipated. I’m talking a week without going #2. When I finally did go it took a lot of work for little results and it sounded like I was having a baby. I would lay on the couch in pain from being so backed up. I had some spotting (info for another post) and wound up in the hospital overnight. The dr. came in when I was on the bed pan and I told her I was having trouble going to the bathroom. While I was talking about #1, she thought I was talking about #2. She said the nurse could give me an enema. At that point it had only been 4 days and the thought of my insides exploding while I was spotting and had passed a blood clot scared me so I declined. 3 days later I took some over the counter (dr. approved) laxatives. It took them 2 days but they finally worked. Thankfully I’m a little more regular in the #2 department, the down side I’m taking iron pills so everything that comes out is black or dark green which is GROSS.
All in all though I thought I was out of the woods, then the need to pee every 30 minutes began. I keep reading online this happens in the 1st trimester, gets better in the 2nd and worse again in the 3rd. For me, it was so, so in the 1st trimester and has gotten progressively worse. Before I got pregnant, I would drink about 1 ½ gallons of water a day and only go to the bathroom 5 or 6 times. I never had a problem. Now, I drink less and go all the time. I’m talking about 10 times from the time I get home from work till I go to bed, a minimum of 3 times in the middle of the night but on average 5. We even went to the beach this weekend a mere hour drive. I had to stop half way home, it was an emergency!! Then, when we got home I had to run to the bathroom.
And the best story of all, a couple of weeks ago I was asleep on the couch and had a dream that I had to pee and I went. A while later I woke up and had to pee for real, only to find out that I had not only peed in my dream, but all over the couch. How gross is that. I’ve never been a bed wetter and here I am at 35 peeing in my sleep. I thought my husband was going to joke about it after I told him but he didn’t. Have I become so gross that these things aren’t even funny? A few days later he came back from the grocery store with some bed pads that I think old people use when they wet the bed. Yes, this is what it has come to. I haven’t peed in my sleep again but it is comforting to know that if I do I’m protected!
Hope you are all doing better in the bathroom department than me.
Monday, April 19, 2010
11 Week Ultrasound
A week late but better late than never. Our 10 week 6 day ultrasound. Our little one was waving in the first picture. They tried to do a normal ultrasound instead of the dildo scan but because my uterus is so wierd, they couldn't get a picture. Maybe next time. We go back again next week for another scan :)
Friday, April 9, 2010
No appointment today :(
I had a doctor’s appointment today. I was excited to see our little one again as it has been almost 3 weeks and I’m still nervous about whether things are ok or not. Well, I get to the Clinic only to find out that my appointment is on Monday, the doctor wasn’t even in the office. She arrived late last night from abroad and is only coming in the afternoon. . So, not only did I miss 2 hours of work today and have to stay 2 hours late today to make up for it, I have to do the same on Monday. Plus my Greek classes start again on Monday night so it’s going to be a long, long day…ugh!! Hopefully the rest of the weekend will be better.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Bad Reaction to Projestrone Shot
I’ve been getting Cyclane injections everyday in my stomach and Prontojest injections (progesterone, I think it has a different name back home) in my butt every other day since my transfer on February 14th. While it’s not fun, it hasn’t been that bad, stinging and burning at the injection sight in my stomach and a week or two where my stomach was black and blue. The butt shots, while they are horrible, they aren’t as bad as last time…until yesterday. Every night I go to bed and feel like I have a golf ball lodged in my butt cheek but I’ve learned to deal with it. Two nights ago, the pain was worse than usual. I got up the next morning and it was painful but nothing to really worry about. Well, as the day went on the pain radiated up my back, taking up the bottom right side of my back and my spine. It was extremely painful and felt swollen to me but I thought I was imagining things. When I got in the car to drive home I could hardly sit and when I got home I had to lay on my side so I didn’t put any pressure on the right side. When my husband got home I made him look at it, I didn’t tell him what was wrong, just that I was having pain. I didn’t want to influence what he said. Well, he didn’t even have to touch me; he just looked at me and said that my back/butt was really swollen and that we should go to the clinic to have it checked out. The nurse checked me out first then sent us upstairs to a doctor (mine was on vacation). I’m still not sure what happened other than it wasn’t an infection but some type of reaction to the medication. I’ve had about 35 of these shots in the past 2 months, why did it just start? They called my regular doctor and told me not to get my injection last night, come back if there was any redness or heat or the pain spread. Thankfully it hasn’t. It feels a little better today so hopefully I’m in the clear. ’m going to see the doctor tomorrow for a previously scheduled appointment tomorrow so we’ll see what she says. I’m supposed to be on the Prontogest shots for at least 2 more weeks and as much as I hate them, I’m also nervous about coming off them.
Anyone else have a strange reaction to progesterone shots? I can’t find anything on the internet.
Anyone else have a strange reaction to progesterone shots? I can’t find anything on the internet.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Infertility on the Today Show
Thought some of you might find this interesting. It talks about the struggles with infertility and the emotional toll it takes.
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/36113935#36132909
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/36113935#36132909
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Morning Sickness
Morning sickness has officially reared its ugly head. For the last 2 weeks or so, whenever I tried to go to sleep I got a little sick and it took me anywhere from 2 to five hours to finally fall asleep. But, once I was asleep I was fine. I could wake up in the middle of the night to pee and go back to sleep no problem. I could sleep in the middle of the day like a champ. Then Sunday came. I felt sick on and off all day, I didn’t actually hurl but I kept feeling like I was going to, and (TMI) I kept throwing up a little in my mouth. Then night came and all hell broke loose. The last two nights I haven’t been able to fall asleep at night, when I do finally fall asleep, then wake up to pee, I feel sick again and the whole process starts again. I also can’t sleep during the day. The only interesting thing is I have the most vivid dreams, I told my husband that we need to figure out how to get inside my head to get them out clearly, I think we have a few books or movies up there. Problem is that with dreams, when you try to explain them after the fact, they never really make sense. He thinks I’m a little nuts. Hopefully only 3 more weeks of this. It’s only suppose to last until week 12 right?
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
7 weeks 6 days
8 Weeks Pregnant
I've been too scared and too tired to write a real blog but as of yesterday we are at 8 weeks. I had some brown spotting and was put on bedrest for 10 days but now I'm back at it, kind of. All I really want to do is sleep but that will have to wait a little longer.
I would post the ultrasound pictures but I have no idea how and don't have the energy to figure it out. The 6 week picture was crazy! it looked like a banana with a chickpea in the middle, touching both sides of my uterus. My unicorn uterus is definitely strange. The 8 week picture was a little better. It stretched out quite a bit and the baby wasn't touching both sides but it did look like a ball with two thin swirls coming from both sides. Hopefully I'll post pictures soon.
Congrats to all the others out there who also had a sucessful IVF. Looks like there are a few of us:)
I would post the ultrasound pictures but I have no idea how and don't have the energy to figure it out. The 6 week picture was crazy! it looked like a banana with a chickpea in the middle, touching both sides of my uterus. My unicorn uterus is definitely strange. The 8 week picture was a little better. It stretched out quite a bit and the baby wasn't touching both sides but it did look like a ball with two thin swirls coming from both sides. Hopefully I'll post pictures soon.
Congrats to all the others out there who also had a sucessful IVF. Looks like there are a few of us:)
Friday, February 12, 2010
And then there were 4
We went on Tuesday for the egg retrieval. I had sixteen follicles, some were quite large and Dr. Z knew they would be over mature we kept waiting for my lining to get thicker before we did the transfer. As I woke up from anesthesia I asked my husband "Poso kaneis" again. The same thing I did last time, which in Greek means how much do you cost, not how many were there. Apparently my Greek lessons aren't going so well.
Dr. Z only got 5 eggs out of the 16. She was expecting 7-8. Her exact words to me were "it was a disaster." As she went to get the eggs the first 6-7 were empty, not cyst like she expected but completely empty. No cells at all. She said she had to stick me 3 times for each 16, no wonder I'm sore, spotting and feel like my insides have been ripped apart.
There was talk of doing a 3 day transfer today (Friday) because they didn't think the embryos looked that strong. Not really a good option given my half uterus and if both took we would be up shit creek and be forced to do a reduction at 3 months. Thankfully they seem to be doing well and we are going to do a 5 day transfer. 6pm on Sunday, Valentine's Day and a holiday weekend. Have I mentioned I love my doctor? Hopefully this Valentine's Day will be a good one. 3 years ago is when we went in for our 8 week check up for our first pregnancy only to find out it was a blighted ovum. Here's to new memories of the Hallmark holiday.
I'm going to stay in clinic overnight. Due to my last cervical etopic pregnancy, I'm on strict bedrest from the time they implant until the pregnancy test. I'm thinking of going to my mother in laws for 5 days and then coming back to my house for the last 5 days of bedrest. Only bad thing is she only has Greek TV and no internet. I may go crazy if I stay any longer! I think it will help take some pressure off DH too. It's a shame that husbands are kind of the forgotten ones through all of this. Everyone is so worried about us, they don't think about the emotional toll it takes on them.
Does anyone else talk to their embryos when they drive past their clinic? I know it's stupid but as I was driving home from Greek class I passed by the clinic and told them hello, that their mom and dad loved them and told them to grow. Who have I become?
Here's to a good transfer and hopefully an embryo or two to freeze!
Dr. Z only got 5 eggs out of the 16. She was expecting 7-8. Her exact words to me were "it was a disaster." As she went to get the eggs the first 6-7 were empty, not cyst like she expected but completely empty. No cells at all. She said she had to stick me 3 times for each 16, no wonder I'm sore, spotting and feel like my insides have been ripped apart.
There was talk of doing a 3 day transfer today (Friday) because they didn't think the embryos looked that strong. Not really a good option given my half uterus and if both took we would be up shit creek and be forced to do a reduction at 3 months. Thankfully they seem to be doing well and we are going to do a 5 day transfer. 6pm on Sunday, Valentine's Day and a holiday weekend. Have I mentioned I love my doctor? Hopefully this Valentine's Day will be a good one. 3 years ago is when we went in for our 8 week check up for our first pregnancy only to find out it was a blighted ovum. Here's to new memories of the Hallmark holiday.
I'm going to stay in clinic overnight. Due to my last cervical etopic pregnancy, I'm on strict bedrest from the time they implant until the pregnancy test. I'm thinking of going to my mother in laws for 5 days and then coming back to my house for the last 5 days of bedrest. Only bad thing is she only has Greek TV and no internet. I may go crazy if I stay any longer! I think it will help take some pressure off DH too. It's a shame that husbands are kind of the forgotten ones through all of this. Everyone is so worried about us, they don't think about the emotional toll it takes on them.
Does anyone else talk to their embryos when they drive past their clinic? I know it's stupid but as I was driving home from Greek class I passed by the clinic and told them hello, that their mom and dad loved them and told them to grow. Who have I become?
Here's to a good transfer and hopefully an embryo or two to freeze!
Friday, February 5, 2010
They grow up so fast...
Had another visit with the dildo cam yesterday and my follicles are growing leaps and bounds. I walked into Dr. Z’s office yesterday and the first thing she said to me was “you are only using 75 of Fostimon and 75 of Merional right?” My blood work apparently told her things were going crazy down there. She took me off Fostimon and Merional. She said that even though the follicles were getting very big 16 – 16.5 with only 7 days of stimulation drugs, they weren’t mature. Feel like I’m dealing with an immature teenager who looks like they are 25.
Dr. Z wants to put off the egg retrieval until at least Sunday so that the follicles can mature more. My lining is also till very, very thin and I’m freaking out a little. Ok, not a little, a lot. Hope it grew since yesterday. She said it could be the strange shape of my uterus that creates such a low reading. Hopefully! I’m getting ready to go see her again so we will see how things are going.
Dr. Z wants to put off the egg retrieval until at least Sunday so that the follicles can mature more. My lining is also till very, very thin and I’m freaking out a little. Ok, not a little, a lot. Hope it grew since yesterday. She said it could be the strange shape of my uterus that creates such a low reading. Hopefully! I’m getting ready to go see her again so we will see how things are going.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Day 7 of Stimming
We're getting close...day 7 of stimulation drugs day 19 of Suprefact. We are 4 blood test, 3 dildo cams and 26 needle pokes in (actually 24 shots but I had to stick myself twice one day and my husband had to do the same). We had an appointment yesterday and the Dr. said all is looking good with my follicles. She's expecting 10 - 12 good quality ones. She changed my meds last night so now I'm on 75 of Fostimon, 75 of Merional and 25 of Suprefact. The names seem to be different in States but oh well, you get the point. She told us yesterday that I make good eggs and we have excellent embryos, now if we can just get my tiny uterus with its microscopic lining to cooperate we'll be in good shape. My lining is only at a 5 and she wants it at an 8 at the very least. I seem to always have this problem so if you know of any good foods I can eat in the next week or so, please, please let me know. I asked the Dr. and she said there was nothing but she would check it again tomorrow and then maybe put me on some pills. At any rate, looks like we'll be doing the retrieval on Sunday or Monday.
I don't want to leave my husband out of this, in addition to being my nurse, he started his antibiotics last night in preparation for his big day.
And a final P.S., I talked to my mom today, my dad is in the hospital, his blood count is realy low and they are doing test to try to figure out how to stop it. This happened last May as well and after a few transfusions, they got it up but never found the leak. I wish I could be there with him this time as well. Sometimes living so far away from home sucks.
I don't want to leave my husband out of this, in addition to being my nurse, he started his antibiotics last night in preparation for his big day.
And a final P.S., I talked to my mom today, my dad is in the hospital, his blood count is realy low and they are doing test to try to figure out how to stop it. This happened last May as well and after a few transfusions, they got it up but never found the leak. I wish I could be there with him this time as well. Sometimes living so far away from home sucks.
Friday, January 29, 2010
And we're off...
Blood test - check
ultrasound - check
daily dose of 225 Fostimon - check
daily dose of 25 Suprefact - check
blood test again on Sunday - check
Dr. appt. Sunday - check
Happy to be really moving forward with this round of IVF - check, check and check
ultrasound - check
daily dose of 225 Fostimon - check
daily dose of 25 Suprefact - check
blood test again on Sunday - check
Dr. appt. Sunday - check
Happy to be really moving forward with this round of IVF - check, check and check
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Let's get this party started
Monday's FSH and Estradiol said I wasn't ready to start stimulating so it was 3 more days of Suprefact. No problem, bruising has gone down and I went to the nurse on Monday night for my shot only to come to the conclusion that my DH does a better job. So, every night, Nurse C (my husband) takes me into our spare bedroom which is filled with medicine and needles, (you know the spot, baby making central where everything is laid out for you, you even have the plastic jar that you put all your used needles in. Makes you look a druggie or something) we make some joke about making a baby, give each other a hug and off we go. Never thought this was how I'd make a baby.
Went for another blood test today and am waiting for the Dr. to call. I'm ready to get this party started!
On another note, I got an email from a friend back home telling me to call her. I haven't spoken to her since December and we both had January birthdays so I didn't think anything was up. I left a message for her, I figured I'd catch her this weekend, but NO, I get to work today and this is the email I get:
"Just heard your voicemail, but I am at work until 4pm today.
I don't have your cell number anymore. I called it a few times the other day, but then I dropped my phone in a glass of water and lost all of my numbers.
I want to talk to you because I have some news...I am pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!1"
Seriously, this is how you broke the news? I'm happy for you and all but you said you weren't trying when I last talked to you b/c of some problems you were having with your husband, you know I have done one round of IVF and had an etopic pregnancy and your sister did IVF multiple times before she got pregnant (though she's kept it a secret from most of her family and friends which is disturbing to me, the baby is now 3 and they still won't tell anyone) Is she being insensitive? Am I being oversensitive? I am happy for her but I'm a little irritated right now too.
Went for another blood test today and am waiting for the Dr. to call. I'm ready to get this party started!
On another note, I got an email from a friend back home telling me to call her. I haven't spoken to her since December and we both had January birthdays so I didn't think anything was up. I left a message for her, I figured I'd catch her this weekend, but NO, I get to work today and this is the email I get:
"Just heard your voicemail, but I am at work until 4pm today.
I don't have your cell number anymore. I called it a few times the other day, but then I dropped my phone in a glass of water and lost all of my numbers.
I want to talk to you because I have some news...I am pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!1"
Seriously, this is how you broke the news? I'm happy for you and all but you said you weren't trying when I last talked to you b/c of some problems you were having with your husband, you know I have done one round of IVF and had an etopic pregnancy and your sister did IVF multiple times before she got pregnant (though she's kept it a secret from most of her family and friends which is disturbing to me, the baby is now 3 and they still won't tell anyone) Is she being insensitive? Am I being oversensitive? I am happy for her but I'm a little irritated right now too.
Monday, January 25, 2010
35 and looking forward to a great year!
Yesterday was my 35th birthday. I am now officially in the mid to late 30 category but I feel great, I don't feel old at all. I remember when I turned 30 I had such a hard time because my life was not what I had imagined it to be. I thought I would have been married by then but I was dating my now husband for 6 years and we still weren't engaged. We got engaged later that year so 30 was a good, no great year for me. As 35 approached I have to admit I didn't let myself dwell on it. I did think I would have a child by now but I am confident that 35 will bring me great things. It’s off to a great start, we spend the day in the mountains and it finally felt like winter here, complete with snow and slippery roads. Plus I've already started taking my drugs for IVF #2 so I'm on my way! Here's to a great year. Hopefully my blood test I did this morning (FSH and Estradiol) will come back good and I'll be able to start Fostimon and get off the Suprefact (I think it's Lupron back home). It's not so bad but I do have bruises on my stomach and break down crying every night for no reason. Oh fertility drugs, how I love you!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Oh Giuliana and Bill
I no longer live in the States but I still like to follow trashy TV and magazines. I heard about this show Giuliana and Bill from another blogger and watched some clips on YouTube the other day. What do I think? We'll she's a train wreck, not sure if she is playing the dumb, spoiled girls on purpose but it's a dumb show, though I know that I would watch it if I was at home. Hell, I watched the Jessica Simpson Show, the Kardashians, the Hills all while thinking to myself "are these people serious?" I mean who really lives like this?
Anyway, back to my point, so Giuliana and Bill are having trouble getting pregnant. Does this mean she will be the face of infertility and all that goes with it? Not sure that she's really who I want representing us. I mean I can see her laughing at everything, making a big deal out of daily shots that aren't really so bad and then BAM getting pregnant with twins on the first try, having a breezy pregnancy and being back down to 90 pounds within an hour of giving birth. I mean really, I'm all for someone in the public eye representing us but I'd choose someone else.
Does anyone really believe this? “They hope to use their show as a vehicle to help people feel more comfortable about their situation; whether they are fertile Myrtle’s or having trouble conceiving.” Well, if it’s true then kudos to them.
Oh and by the way, being the doctor that I am and infertility specialist, I think if she would gain a few pounds and live in the same town as her husband she may have better luck. (That was mean wasn't it?) Sorry Giuliana but once I really believe that you are one of us, I'll be nice and supportive.
Anyway, back to my point, so Giuliana and Bill are having trouble getting pregnant. Does this mean she will be the face of infertility and all that goes with it? Not sure that she's really who I want representing us. I mean I can see her laughing at everything, making a big deal out of daily shots that aren't really so bad and then BAM getting pregnant with twins on the first try, having a breezy pregnancy and being back down to 90 pounds within an hour of giving birth. I mean really, I'm all for someone in the public eye representing us but I'd choose someone else.
Does anyone really believe this? “They hope to use their show as a vehicle to help people feel more comfortable about their situation; whether they are fertile Myrtle’s or having trouble conceiving.” Well, if it’s true then kudos to them.
Oh and by the way, being the doctor that I am and infertility specialist, I think if she would gain a few pounds and live in the same town as her husband she may have better luck. (That was mean wasn't it?) Sorry Giuliana but once I really believe that you are one of us, I'll be nice and supportive.
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