23 week ultrasound pictures

Here are a couple of pictues from our 23 week ultrasound.  The first one is kind of a wierd angle so I've included descriptions. We didn't get any good pictures at the 24 week photo session.  Hopefully we will have more cooperation for week 26.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.  We're headed to the beach, it will be good to get some relief from this heat.

24 Weeks!!!

24 weeks today. A milestone in my mind though I keep telling myself I will not celebrate milestones anymore because when I do, something seems to happen that puts me back in my place. At any rate, I feel happy. Happy to be at week 24 where if god forbid something happened out little one would still have a chance, happy that I finally slept through the night (I should add that my new standard of sleeping through the night means I didn’t get up to go to the bathroom and when I did wake up to roll over, I didn’t start reading but went back to sleep), happy that I don’t have the sharp knife like pain in my lower abdomen as bad as I did the last two days and very happy that my husband was able to feel our little one doing somersaults for quite awhile this morning (previously he has just felt an odd movement here or there, this was a full on show.)


Other than that, here’s a run down of things at this stage.

Uterus – a little off center, you can really see it if I lay on my back, the left side is fairly flat. When I’m standing it looks fairly normal. I’m curious to see what it will do as I get bigger.

Beach – We got a place at the beach for the summer. It took me about 2 months to get over my fear but I finally get in and stand in the water. The doctor told me I wasn’t allowed to swim, just stand. It feels good, takes pressure off my stomach and boobs.

Boobs – I think they may have grown again. The left one is now much larger than the right and I have this really weird vein on the side of my left one. It is gross!

Varicose Veins - Noticed a couple on my ankle the other day. Again, gross. Don’t want to search for any others, I’m afraid of what I will find.

Appetite – Fairly non existent. No real aversions or cravings but nothing really sounds good. Could be the heat, the summers are really hot over here!

Utrogesterone (progesterone) – The doctor told me I could start taking them only at night now but I’m scared to stop. I had the same problem when she told me to go to twice a day. When I start feeling better I will stop. I know it won’t hurt me or the baby to continue but I know I need to stop too. They are disguising too so it will be good to stop sticking my fingers up my hooha every morning.

Baby – He/she is moving quite a bit. I’m not sure if there is schedule or not like I keep reading about but I definitely feel him/her when I get up, try to go to sleep and while I’m at work. I can also tell when he/she is high or low in my uterus. High is much better.  Low is painful.

Husband – Taking good care of me, I feel bad that so much has been put on him because of this pregnancy. He has been so good to me.

Baby gear/names – We are still too scared to go there, maybe after our next appointment at 26 weeks, though we say that after each appointment. Were just afraid to jinx ourselves.

Good luck to everyone out there trying to get pregnant or pregnant. I know it is a long, hard emotional struggle.  I hope that by reading my blog and others you will know that you are not alone.

22/23 week update

Our 22 and 23 week appointments went well. The baby is on target and still has room to move in my unicorn uterus which is good. It weighs about 20 ounces now which is in the 54 percentile. The only thing we are a little concerned about is that our 22 week super ultrasound showed a small mark on the baby’s heart that increases our risk of down syndrome by 10% but our odds are still low. I think our chances now are 1 in 836 which isn’t too big. We’ll just continue to pray for a healthy baby. The doctor thinks I’m going to make it to 32 weeks at least :)

Does anyone else have horrible hip pain when they sleep? I now wake up from the pain and not to pee (though once I’m up to move positions, I head to the bathroom as well). As the doctor told me, I only lay on my sides and it feels like an elephant is sitting on my hip. I have a body pillow but that doesn’t seem to provide much relief. Any suggestions? Anyone going through the same thing?

Half Way There

On Tuesday, June 15th we officially made it to 20 weeks. That’s ½ to full term and 12 weeks away from our minimum of 32 week goal. While we are thrilled to have made it this far, the day before we were very rudely reminded that we are not in the clear. We were scheduled for a doctor’s appointment on Wed. but on Monday I didn’t feel well all day and by the time my husband came home I was in pain so he called the doctor and off we went.
Thankfully the baby still looks good and my cervix is still long (4cm) and didn’t move when the doctor pushed on the top of my uterus. She thinks I had a contraction and put me on magnesium to help prevent more. So far so good. She also told me to modify my diet as it could have been a digestive problem. I’m suppose to eat sick people’s food (boiled chicken, pasta, rice etc.) no salad which stinks because it is the one thing I really crave. I didn’t have a little last night I have to admit.

This little scare taught me that I shouldn’t get excited about the milestones as the end of the 1st trimester brought spotting, a blood clot, a night in the clinic and a week of bed rest. So, we will just be thankful for everyday we make it through and continue to pray that we will be blessed with a healthy little one at the end of this.

I want to send a thank you out into the universe to my husband for all his support through this journey. While he doesn’t have to undergo the physical aspects of it, like me, he has gone through the emotional side of it and lived through the daily joys, trials and tribulations. Not to mention becoming a pseudo-nurse in the process and taking on most of the everyday household chores. I think that the toll a pregnancy takes on the husband is often overlooked and when combined with infertility and all that goes along with it that toll is much, much larger. Those of you who have been through this know what I am talking about and know that unless you've been through this you can't completely understand it. So, a very special and big thank you to him! I am a very lucky lady.

Here are the latest pictures but given that I was very uncomfortable when the doctor was doing the ultrasound (s) she got only the info she needed and didn’t stick around to try to get the best shot.  We forgot to ask for them for the last 2 ultrasounds.

Kicking

My husband felt the baby kick for the first time yesterday (19 weeks and 5 days).  It was very exciting.  Tomorrow we hit the 20 week mark.  Halfway there and 12 weeks away from our minimum goal of 32 weeks.   Our 20 week ultrasound is scheduled for Wed.  Can't wait!  Praying everything is still going well in there.

The Green Eyed Monster

I am a little embarrassed to admit this but I think getting it off my chest will make me feel better. Hopefully if others feel the same way, they will know they aren’t alone.

My brother has 2 children, a 7 year old from a girlfriend who would become his wife for a short time. And a 2 year old that he conceived less than two months after getting married. His second wife has wanted another child for awhile but my brother has been content. As I have been going through my infertility test and treatments I have secretly hoped that she wouldn’t become pregnant until I did. I didn’t think I could handle it. Apparently my brother has gotten all of the fertile genes in the family and my parents were all out when they made me. I know that’s stupid but I feel that way sometimes. He’s one of those people who says, let’s have a kid and bam 9 months later one pops out. Or in the case of his first, doesn’t wear protection and has the same result.

My brother called last week and I jokingly said something about him having another kid. He replied that his wife wanted one so sooner or later she would get it. I said not to wait too long, he’s not getting any younger (he’ll be 39 in Dec). So, Wednesday I called my sister in law for her birthday to find out that she is 7 ½ weeks pregnant. Don’t get me wrong I am very happy for her but I am jealous. She’s on vacation, she got to fly there, she’s still having the occasional cocktail and living life as normal. The only medicine she’s on is prenatal vitamins, I’m on a cocktail of 49 pills a day and this is a drastic decrease from what it was 2 weeks ago (that will be another blog). Might I also add that my brother travels all the time for work and is only home for a few nights a week so it’s not like they are home trying a lot. Once again, the fertile member of the family strikes again.
When we went to the dr. at about 10 weeks, my husband asked “So, she’ll be out of the woods after 12 weeks right” and the dr. laughed and said, she’ll never be out of the woods. My lovely unicorn uterus doesn’t afford me the luxury to every settle into this pregnancy and be confident that it will result in a baby. I feel sort of robbed of that joy. I can’t travel back to the States to see my family or for anywhere for that matter, there is already talk of bed rest starting in 3 weeks, I still check the toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom (which is quite often) to make sure nothing is there and have been banned from sex and any type of exercise for my entire pregnancy. My best friend who went through multiple failed IUIs before conceiving twins with IVF told me yesterday that she had the same feeling so maybe it’s an infertility thing compounded by my unicorn uterus.
I don’t want to be jealous but I am. I wish that at 7 ½ weeks I just assumed that everything would be fine and I’d have a healthy baby. I wish I felt like that at 19 ½ weeks. Instead I worry about another miscarriage, preterm labor and the rest of it.

So if you are an infertile like me and still find yourself jealous of those people who can get pregnant at the blink of an eye and not worry about their pregnancy, know you are not alone.  You can keep telling the green eyed monster to hit the road but I don't think it will every completly go away.

What do you say...?

For the first time yesterday, someone I just met asked me if I was pregnant. Yea! I guess I'm finally showing. But her first question was, is this your first? What do you say to this? It's the first time I've gotten this far? Yes, it’s my first? No, I had two miscarriages? Saying it's my first seems wrong but why do I want to discuss my miscarriages with complete strangers? What's the proper protocol here? Any suggestions?