C Section here we come...

Went to the doctor on Monday and again today.  On Monday, the best guess was that the baby weighed 2300 grams.  Today it was only  2200 or below the 5th percentile for it's age.  The doctor on Monday said she wanted to do a C Section on Friday or Monday.  I wanted to wait until Monday, in the hopes that I could actually go into labor naturally since she won't induce.  We did a cervical check on Monday and apparently my cervix was high, closed and thick.  Today, we didn't even do a cervix check because she could clearly see the baby's entire face which she said meant it wasn't in the down position.  Now she wants to do the C Section tomorrow or Saturday depending on her schedule.  I'm waiting for her call.  I'm praying for Saturday.  I need another day to wrap my head around this.  I know I've been waiting forever but it seems like everything is happening so fast.  I'll keep you posted. 

36 week update

Throughout this pregnancy, I have set milestones for myself, dates to get past when the baby would be viable, healthy etc.  I remember hoping that we’d get past our anniversary on August 19^th, then my best friend’s kids birthdays on September 6^th, my mom arriving a few days later.  I thought it would be cool to have the baby on 10-10-10 but never thought that would be possible.  That would mean we made it to 36 weeks 5 days.  No possible way.  My doctor was hoping to get us to 32 weeks.  Well, here we are, that beautiful date has arrived and the bun is still in the oven and is not coming out today.  I know that should be a good thing but for the last 6 weeks my doctor keeps telling me that if we can make it 1 or 2 more weeks, they will go ahead and take the baby.  She said I would not under any circumstances go past 36 weeks, then it was 37 weeks, last visit it was 38 weeks.  For being so cramped in there with half a uterus, this little one doesn’t want to join the world.  We did the steroid shots a month ago to get the lungs ready, now are just waiting for it to put on weight.  It’s only in the 5 percentile for weight, sometimes 10 is the doctor stretches the measurements.  Maybe it knows that its mother is a little freaked out by this whole thing.  I mean you try so long to get pregnant, put your body through so much to get to this point but for some reason I can’t wrap my mind around being a mom.  Stupid I know.  The first time I got pregnant, I felt such a connection to the child, a child that wasn’t even there but for that month that I thought there was a baby inside me, not just an empty sac, I felt so connected.  When I had to have a D&C I was devastated and it took me so long to get over it.  The second time I was pregnant, I didn’t let myself get attached, I was too scared.  The same goes for this pregnancy.  I’ve kept my distance emotionally out of fear that something will go wrong.  I hate that.  I feel bad about it, like I have been or am robbing myself from this beautiful experience but I am just scared.  I know that for having a unicorn uterus, I have done exceptionally well and am lucky but until I see a healthy baby I will unfortunately remain sceptical.  Am I crazy, maybe or maybe people who suffer miscarriages and fertility problems all fact these fears.

Another doctor’s appointment tomorrow.  Hope it goes well. 

The Countdown Begins

34 Weeks today.  We went to the doctor yesterday and somehow I had lost 2.5 pounds but the baby gained 5 ounces.  It is still super small though, less than 4 pounds.  I don't know how I lost weight, I've been eating and I think I'm retaining water because my finges are HUGE!  The doctor said that if I don't have the baby within the next 3 weeks naturally they will do a C section and take it at that point.  No induction here, apparently the baby is too small and it's too tramatic for it.  Also, if I do go into labor naturally unless it is a quick labor, they will do a C Section.  I have to admit I am bummed.  I have never wanted a C Section.  I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I had Scoliosis surgery when I was 12 and I don't think I can have an epidural.  Well, my surgeon told me I couldn't but my OBGYN told me it may be possible.  This means they may have to put me under completely for the birth.  How bad does that suck?  I've waited so long for this, I want to watch the baby be born or be pulled out of me.  Yes, I'm that wierd person who wants to witness the birth up close and personal.  Oh well, I shouldn't complain, I know I am blessed to be at this stage. 

The only thing on the agenda is to try to eat more, rest, get the house in order and hopefully get the baby's stuff together.  My mom and I have been washing clothes today and trying to organize.  The crib should be delivered within the next week.  The sooner the better.

33 weeks

We are 33 weeks pregnant today.  To say I can't believe we have made it this far would be an understatement.  I am so grateful. 

My mom arrived last Thursday and she and I are now relaxing at the beach.  Our last doctor's appointments have gone well, the baby is really small but other than that we are both fine.  I took two streroid shots to help the baby's lungs develop in case I go into labor soon.  I'm also on heavy duty medicine to keep my contractions in check.  Last night this little one was going crazy.  It was very uncomfortable  but after it's last soccer match at about 4am, it decided to take a rest and get some sleep.  Today it's back to a normal amount of activity.

Back to the doctor on Monday for another update.  Fingers are crossed he/she doesn't arrive before then.

On another note, we finally picked out and ordered our crib and mattress.  We just need to pay for it and have it delivered when I get back in town.  This is a relief as it has been a little trying to pick one out.  They don't have big showrooms here like they do at Babies R Us to look at so we are actually buying something we have only seen out of a catalogue.  Hopefully it will be ok.  The best thing is that we don't have to wait for it.  We thought it would take a month to get it but they have it in stock.

Hormones and memory

I think that I have done a good job keeping my hormones in check during this pregnancy.  I know someone else who is pregnant and her husband constantly says that she is a bear to live with.  Everytime I get off the phone with him, I ask my husband if I'm like that and he assures me I'm not.  I have had my episodes of fits but  can usually get them under control quickly or I just go into bed and cry it out.  But, like many of the bad parts of pregnancy, you forget about them.  Well last night I had a crying episode over something so stupid.  I think I mentioned before that we rented a house at the beach for the summer about an hour away from our house and have been going every weekend.  Well, for some reason, when I'm there I always leave the water in the kitchen on.  Sometimes I even check it and swear that it's off only to hear my husband calling my name a few minutes later to tell me it is on.  It's never happend at our house, until last night.  My husband was taking a shower and as usual, I had to go to the bathroom and couldn't wait for him to finish.  Because it had been a whole 20 minutes since I last went and heaven forbid I wait more 20 minutes.  I washed my hands when I was done and left.  A few minutes later I hear my husband calling my name, I left the water on again which he saw when he got out of the shower.  He was a little irritated because it made his shower super hot and he couldnt figure out what was going on.  I went to check because I was certain I had turned it off but sure enough, the water was running.  I turned it off and went back t the kitchen only to break down in a crying fit.  I couldn't help myself.  It was so stupid but my hormones got the best of me.  I just can't stand being so dumb and forgetfull alll the time.  It's such an effort to remember things.   Thankfully, my husband helped me quickly laugh at myself.  My doctor said that pregnant women have the memory of a goldfish.  Even better, she said that I should get better after I give birth but may not be back to normal.  Really?  I need my memory back!!  This is so annoying.

My mom is coming...

My mom is coming tomorrow night to stay and help me out.  She will be here for 3 months and I can't wait.  It will be so nice to have one of my family members here to help out and to see me pregnant.  I haven't seen her in almost a year (she came last November when I had the etopic pregnancy). It's been 16 months since I've seen my dad, brother, nieces and other friends at home.  Sometimes it is hard living so far from home.  But, I have a great doctor here, I don't think I would have gotten better care at home and we went to the beach every weekend this summer which was awesome.  Mom and I are headed there on Friday until we have to come back to the city for a doctor's appointment.

Had an appointment the fancy ultrasound doctor yesterday and it looks like the little one is not growing as rapidly as it should.  He said we are only in the 5% for weight and length.  Only 3.3 pounds.   According to my doctor two weeks ago we were in the 46%.  Either we are running out of room or someone measured wrong.  We go back to our doctor on Friday and hopefully we will get to do another ultrasound and get new measurements.

No More Work!

Tuesday was my last day at work.  The good news, I am officially off unitl the baby comes and them some after that.  The bad news, I'm not eligible for maternity leave pay from the gov. here b/c I didn't work for 6 months (or rather my employer didn't contribute to Social Security for 6 months last year).  I'm a little freaked out b/c that means I won't get paid while I am off work but I am trying to do some stuff at home to make a little money.  I would have gotten paid or partially paid for 18 weeks if everything was fine with Social Insurance.  Sometimes I hate being a foreigner!

Other news, the crib we want is not in stock.  Actually it doesn't seem like they have many cribs here ready to sell.  They have a handful of models to look at, then you just go to the catalogue.  We're going to order it next week, it should be here at the end of October.  We just have to figure out where the little one will sleep before the crib arrives.